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Monday, October 4, 2010

For the Love of Lashes

As I mentioned last week, I was introduced to a new beauty trick.....false eyelashes.  So far,  I've been able to bat my eyes without losing any of the coveted clusters.  Unfortunately, my friend was not so lucky.  Below is her very funny story of her battle with the lash (thanks for letting me share this!)....

Because my own eyelashes were so thin and sparse, my beauty expert Jessica mentioned the new lush lashes might have difficulty staying put. She was right because while washing my face that night, I watched one batch wash right down the drain before my alcohol-induced reflexes had the chance to react. Shoot.  Well at least I had ALMOST all of my beautiful lashes intact!

The next morning I slowly made my way to the bathroom, and what did I see in the mirror, you might ask?  A dehydrated old woman missing several "pieces" of her eyelashes. Each corner of both eyes were lush and lucious (is this how one spells lush-iss?) but the center of each eyelash was completely bald. Instead of freaking out, I calmly reminded myself of Jessica's "three-to-five-day-guarantee-but-they-should-really-stay-on-two-weeks-if-you're-careful" comment.  I walked back into my bedroom to make the bed, and actually  became frightened when I looked at my sheets and saw what looked like spiders in my bed. I was greatly relieved to see it was actually eyelashes laying on the sheets instead of spiders, because I've heard spider bites can produce VERY uncomfortable areas on one's body!

My husband and I went to dinner last night prior to viewing "The Race To Nowhere" and while eating, I caught my husband eyeing me strangely a few times. Paranoia set in before I finally asked what the hell he was staring at. He replied, "what happened to your eyes?". The rest of the night I became very self conscious and decided to wear my sunglasses. Did you know that lush, sexy eyelashes plus sunglasses are not a good combination?  They aren't. Long, somewhat-bald-yet-still-somewhat-sexy eyelashes brush against the inside of glasses with every blink one takes, and it doesn't take long to go completely berserk feeling this sensation.  Believe me on this. 

Remember Jessica'a guarantee?  I decided I would return on Saturday morning for a reapplication prior to attending the "A Taste of Asia" fundraiser dinner, because who doesn't like to look good?  I'm just like the rest of 'em!  My plan was still in place until I woke up this morning and found an entire colony of spiders in bed with me.  I grabbed a little zip lock baggie an plucked all those bad boys off of my bed, then came out to the kitchen to greet my husband a good morning. My eyes had an occasional branch of lashes surrounded by dry dessert, with perhaps two more branches followed by lonely tundra.  My husband and I had a good laugh and agreed I looked like "the morning after some weird experiment gone horribly wrong." 

It was fun for the two hours they lasted, but I've realized fake eyelashes work against me and not with me. I plucked off the remaining pieces of luciousness today and returned to being just me. 

Do you remember I bought a new eyelash curler that evening?  I tried it for the first time this afternoon on my nearly-bald-but-really-mine eyelashes.  The result?  Several highly-coveted lashes from each eyelid fell onto the bathroom counter. 

Oh the joys of being a woman.  Would someone please pass the wine?

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